A Chronicle of Enlightened Citizenship Movement in the State Bank of India

A micro portal for all human beings seeking authentic happiness, inner fulfillment and a meaningful life

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Growing up

‘What wonderful days were those
Mother’s lap and father’s shoulders
Today, I remember
Everything that has been left behind-
Sleeping, while still crying
Talking to myself
Lost in fancy thoughts
Calling desperately for mother
Fed patiently by her loving hand
Waiting day long for father to come
Awaiting the fulfillment of little desires
What wonderful days of childhood-
Why did everything go so far away?
Now it is only me and my rigidity
My own demands and frustrations
Whom should I tell what I want?
Searching for my goals, I lost myself
O! Why did I grow so much?’

Precious moments, shared with our dear mother and father, are memories today that are nostalgic but give a deep fulfillment. Words fail to express the love and care received so abundantly as a child, where every little pain suffered was erased by a loving cuddle and lots of kisses. To all the problems faced, there were only one solution- parents! All that needed to be done was to tell them and be rest assured!

That was childhood, however, and one does not remain a child forever.

Discovering oneself gradually is growth. Breaking off boundaries, seeking freedom to express, to act, to be oneself is a journey where one may relate to another or walk alone to reach a destination that may or may not be clear. It is time to make a choice, to decide, to walk the path, to shoulder responsibilities alone or with the help of a companion. There may not be anyone to lead, to hold hand, to console, to guide, to love and care, unlike during childhood. Now one is an adult and is expected to fly on his own, create his skies, for it is believed his wings are strong enough to reach loftier heights.

The bright horizon is in view, however the spirit within the man is in the dark. He alone knows what it holds, the joys, the fantasies, the dreams, the deep bruises, the tears, pains, the secrets, for there may not be any soul in sight to share!

For the world, he has won laurels for his fight to the finish, but his struggle within is to discover love and he has failed to find it! The smile he carries on his face is unnatural, hiding the grief of loneliness.

O Lord! Can I be a child again and be myself in the arms of love? Can I belong to all and can all be mine in a relationship that recognizes all equally? In the house of the ‘grown up’, I see the awards, the rewards, the name, the fame, the wealth, the relations that are a burden--- where is love, where is the life of gay abandon, of play and joy, of loving laps and brave arms, of forgiveness for every error, of faith that someone cares!

Where is my home, sweet home that I want to rush into, throwing all burdens into the air and jumping into open arms I trust and love, just like a bubbly kid returning home from school?

Growing up cannot be so painful- hey, am I on the wrong path?

Am I seeking out what is within?

Can I laugh and cry, forgive and forget, have faith and love, enjoy what I do—can I be a child within once again?

Can I grow within and relive the joys of childhood?

Can I feel like a child again? Can I live again?


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