A RELATIONSHIP RE-VISITED AND A MOTHER IS BORN

CitizenSBI enables a participant to re-discover the beauty of life and relationships..

She is a widow with two bubbly kids under her care. She is also an officer with the State Bank of India . Burdened by heavy debts on the death of her husband and the dearth of emotional support, she had long back given up hopes of living. She had no pleasant memories of her past to enable her to carry on with life. Yet she had to live to rear her kids and learnt to exist like a robot feeling more dead than alive.

Days and nights passed by as she withdrew more and more from life and was unavailable to her kids whom she bore through painful caesarian section as she recalls being unattended and uncared for even during those moments which were so eventful and should have been joyful.

Life pulled her through tough times as she struggled her way from financial turmoil’s to emotional disasters, right from paying fees of her kids in school when she had just a few hundreds left in her overdraft account to trying to fulfill kiddy dreams and desires with a deep sense of helplessness. All this took the form of guilt in her that was expressed as anger against the minor kids as she had only those two to vent out her deep rooted feelings. The little ones bore all her emotional traumas and their little hearts heard her violent words for they were defenseless and voiceless too and also had only her to look up to. Blaming life for not treating her well, she had turned herself from a soft spoken lady to a harsh woman, from a sweet mother to a strict and at times cruel care taker! She had by now worn a cloak of indifference and insensitiveness towards her only relations – her two minor kids!

When they would throw their little arms around her, it irritated her; their soft cheeks against her’s added to her discomfort: when they would jump on her lap with love she just drove them away. She was not willing to let go her past. Holding on to her bitter past she lost her lively present and refused to live and let her children live.

And then there was the opportunity of a lifetime- CITIZENSBI – that gave her eyes to introspect and see life afresh. Her encounters with a great number of people and being exposed to their amazing lives made her realise she has borne very little hardships in life. And yes life has indeed treated her very well and has blessed her with many bounties except for an experience or two that proved painful. And again, those very painful experiences have in fact proved to be a blessing! There is so much of peace and joy, so much love and admiration- all is indeed well! “O! I am at peace with myself- no ill feelings, no grudge, and no revenge, -- I want to live!”

“My kids- when will I relate to them from my being level? Where is imagine + sympathy for my own kids? When will I put the three think tools to use to decide my path, my destiny? What will happen to my lovely kids if I let life drift by? Do they not deserve my love, those cuddly, mischievous, little guys, now fast asleep in their beds holding on to me- their mom- their only love?”

For the first time she sensed the warmth in their touch and the love in their breath. As she bitterly cried on her pillow all her pain, physical, mental and emotional melted away- it was as if she was set free after years of being imprisoned within by her very self.

Indeed the Self is the friend of oneself and the Self itself is also the enemy.

Disastrous, she felt, how one can make oneself miserable and ruin not only one’s life but also those of near and dear ones. It seems so easy to be happy by just a shift in the thought process and attitude.

It was like coming home- turning around after waiting at the dead end for far too long- towards a path where her children still stood with all their love, just as before, with open arms, without even the feeling that their mom had faltered- they were there as before with just a call to their dear mom to take them in her arms and that was all they wanted and waited for these painfully long years when life kept their mom away from them, though physically she was so near.

She ran towards her kids with open arms and held them close, very close- all she could hear was their warm hearts beating against her chest- and her world suddenly was full of love!

Her lips whispered a soft “thank you”- to all those who made CITIZENSBI possible and to all those inspiring souls who carried the torch of life even when the going was tough -for helping in dissolving the self created distance between a mother and her children and in uniting them in a strong bond of love, thus enabling the rediscovery of the beauty of life and relationships.

She, a woman had given birth to two sons and was known as their mother. It is an unforgettable day when a child is born. But here a mother was born in her being. It was a day to cherish- for two little ones are at home in the lap of their dear mother.

It was a strange re-union of hearts that should have bonded naturally, but for the self defeating thoughts that crept in and made the heart its home, driving away all that is beautiful in life, especially two lovely kids who make heaven at home a reality.

Contributed by Harina, Faculty, SBLC, Indore , with inputs from a participant of CITIZENSBI.