THE UNKNOWN SELF

Ring…..ring………

It is lunch time and time also to call home. Long periods of training even on Citizen SBI creates discomfort as one stays away from one’s family, which may consist of  children who are still in the age group where toys matter most.

As I pick up the phone I hear my younger son, Pintu, crying loudly that Chintu (my older son) has broken his toy.

This is not new to me and umpteen number of times I have sorted their ‘serious’ matters over the phone, whenever I am on a long training to any of the apex institutions and have wriggled through the thought of ‘controlling’ my boys. Blame it on Bourn vita which I give them twice a day- for their hyper activeness leaves me with no energy at the end of the day. Huff …

This time I was at Gurgaon, attending Intervention II of Citizen SBI and we had been through an uncomfortable process of searching insights. The journey within was getting too hot and unbearable. The search for truth was not easy.

And I had to resolve the problem of my sons also… God! Help me.

All the deliberations of thought and the experiences at the being level, sympathy, empathy, collective fulfillment, etc. created waves in me as I valiantly searched for peace in its depth.

I heard my son patiently (a trait I hardly have), as he apprised me of how Chintu broke his toy and that I should not get him any toy from Gurgaon, so saying he asked me to reprimand Chintu by passing on the phone to him.

The dialogues went like this---

Chintu         : Mum, it was a mistake, I didn’t do it deliberately.

Mom           : How do you feel about it?

Chintu         : I didn’t like it.

Mom            : So what will you do?

Chintu          : I will be more careful in the future.

Mom             : Good.

And the conversation on this issue closes. (The shortest I have had since my sons learnt to speak or is it quarrel?)

As I said, this is not new to me, but what was new was that I responded in a way which thoroughly surprised me. Earlier I used to be Lalita Pawar (vamp in old Hindi movies) in full bloom, minus her looks of course (like most women I consider myself better looking than the other woman). I would shout at him for being clumsy, careless and that his actions will cost me a lot, of course all in vain to help him see reason in being sensible. I am sure he used to see a monster of a mom in me and regret his birth in my house.

But now I think I took him by surprise and he must be praying to Mr. Srinivas and to our Chairman to give me more inputs to behave from the being level! O! How sweetly we spoke to each other thereafter!

A whole world of opportunities opened up for me, that day, in bringing up my children at the being level and suddenly now I feel confident of being a good and capable mother which hitherto was under serious doubt. I laughed my way back to the class and could feel the joy strengthening every pore of my body.

I could not hold the joy to myself any longer as I shared to a few others of my new being, for I had just experienced the energizing effect of collective fulfillment…

And lo! There came another fact from a colleague…..

He is a father of a son, who probably as I gather from his words was a little harsh with his minor son on spending money unnecessarily on fast food which is unhealthy. He was very concerned about his son and thinking of operating from the being level, he wanted to drive home a point to his son about the importance of eating properly and living a healthy life. He invited his son for a role play--- but his son successfully drove home a major revelation to him at the end of it…

It went about like this- He would be the son and his son would play the role of the father. This father was beyond his wits when he heard his son rudely refusing to give a tenner to his ‘son’ for a ‘kurkure’ and in harsh words telling him to do his homework and how he should cut down time in watching T.V. or before the computer and so on, not missing out on the unkind facial expressions…

The father could not believe his ears or eyes for that matter—is he so rude to his only son? Is this the way he expresses his genuine concern and love for his son? “Everything we do, we do for the spouse and the child, who else? And is this how I interact with others also?” he mused.

The child has all along not been able to appreciate the concern of his father and felt that he is being put down for his ‘legitimate’ needs. All that the sincere father wanted to convey was the adverse effect of junk food on the child’s health. But the way it was conveyed gave the child the feeling that he is unwanted and unloved.

The father, that day saw himself crystal clear in the mirror that his son held for him about his own self, the dark area of communication and expression, that he was unaware of. And a new father came into being that day and a new chapter of friendly bonding was put in place.

Customers fulfillment after Citizen SBI, needs to be measured to be believed and on the other side, certainly the programme has made children and spouses of the staff, heave a sigh of relief for having cured their bread winner of his ‘venoms’ and gifting a new and wholesome spouse or parent to live with henceforth. Love now could be expressed the way it should be, duly reciprocated with total fulfillment for all.

I was also overwhelmed with an insight provided by Mr. Srinivas during the video conference. He mentioned that when contribution is low, expectations go down which also means that the relationship is dying. Something to ponder about and make amends instantly, atleast at home.

Citizen SBI- it works like magic when it hits our system- it could be the beginning of the end of all our negativities that kept all our joys away all along.

Happy Living!

Contributed by Harina, Faculty, SBLC Indore