The Art of Nurturing

Are you organizing or nurturing your kids?

A whale can listen to the song of another hundreds of miles away. They communicate with special intensity in times of need, they don’t interrupt one another’s songs, their communication is always positive and approving and they virtually never lose touch with their family. When listening is hard and ‘distant’, it is the most important time to tune in and really hear. Communication should be like a song, not a lecture- a song of honest interchange and mutual respect, just like that of a whale. Listen more, lecture less.

The Law of the Geese

A driver came upon a father goose that had walked to the middle of the road, to face traffic, while the mother and children began to cross. When he was sure of safety, he hurried the struggling kids across the road.

A goose was frantically and erratically making noise. It had lost its baby. She was calling to her mate, who swooped in a moment later. Whatever he was doing he left it immediately for his family. Together they found the chick and later went to each of their chicks to assure them that they care. Geese parents work together stay together, mate for life and live for 60 or 70 years.

Like the geese we must always come home, put children first, show them that they are our priority, we must understand that commitment is the most complete expression of our love; we must relish home and enjoy being there more than any other place. Children, who feel our commitment will talk to us more, listen to us more and trust us more.

The Law of the Crabs

Praise is essential to build self confidence of children and to help them rise above and beyond ourselves. Like the crabs, we must shed our old hard shells of judgmental criticism, so that our more nourishing inner selves can grow.

Crabs follow their strong instinct to pull back anyone who tries to climb above them. Unlike the crabs, we must learn that boosting up is the answer, not pulling down, support rather than compete within the family and catch them doing right, instead of when they are wrong.

The Law of the Tortoise

Consistency reflected in the attitude of a tortoise, in a parent who knows the race is long and that progress will be gradual tend to develop a calmness and confidence that makes children feel secure. Some rabbit parents head off down various routes and get so turned around that they think the career path is more important than the family road. They get caught in winning the approval of others and too distracted by the “carrots” of ever bigger houses, cars, titles, etc. The finish line must be of well adjusted kids and a happy family.

Like the tortoise, we must get up each day and keep at it, realizing that it is not our speed or brilliance that will get us through, but our consistency, not our ability but our availability. We need to understand that it is a long race with lots of little victories and defeats along the way- each of which we can learn from. We should set up schedules and patterns that give order to our homes. Never go off the real road, which leads to the finish line of a strong family.

The Law of the Elephant's Trunk

Love without discipline can be dangerous and damaging. Love that is unintelligently applied, that gives too many things the children haven’t earned, can spoil our kids, rob them of our own initiative and give them false perspectives about how the world works. Again, it’s easy to predict some of the results of too much “toughness”.

The law of the Elephant’s Trunk is the fine balance between tough love and tender love. Kids need discipline, schedules, clear expectations, and family responsibilities. They also need tolerance and tenderness and help with no strings attached.

Like the elephant’s trunk, our love needs to caress them and hug them every day. Our love has to set clear limits, show approval, dust them with confidence, warn them of danger, remove barriers and help them walk the path under their own power. Love that is too demanding can separate us emotionally from our children just as surely as love that is too indulgent.

The Law of the Redwoods

Hold your children close physically and emotionally. Children’s real security comes from knowing who they are and from parents who prioritize them within homes that are emotional safe harbors from life’s storms. Keep your groves growing straight and tall and protected from both wind and rot.

Redwoods grow together in groves and intertwine their shallow roots. Thus, the roots of one tree in the grove are the roots of all the trees, interlaced underground and able to hold each tree upright no matter what kind of gale goes on above.

The Law of the Bear

The beauty of family responsibility is that, as it is faced and accepted, it becomes a trained and loyal bear, a protective companion that makes our challenging child rearing walk through the woods safer and more enjoyable.

Don’t run. Stay. Fully accept family responsibility, turn it into a joy. Give children responsibility, which is the ultimate indication of your respect for them.

The Law of the Frog
The frog that gets cooked gradually when kept in a pan of cool water with the heat on has a tendency to think that all water is the same and is safe, as such it falls asleep as the water becomes warmer. We become aware of a problem in a child when it is too late. We notice a child’s true gift or talent too late to encourage or help him develop it.

The law of the frog is awareness. When we are too much in our own rut, or our own world, we don’t notice much about our children’s world. Like the frog we get sleepy and imagine everything is fine. Be deeply interested and caring and sensitive to children and their worries and concerns. Ask questions, lot of them- about where we are with our kids, where they are with their lives, what they’re thinking and what they need.

The Law of the Fleas

The final law of nurturing is to let our children go, and to see that they go as high and as far as their true potential allows. There’s a time to nurture and to hold close and safe and secure, and there is a time to take off the lid and encourage independent flight.

The law of the fleas is not to box them in for too long or put the lid too low. The law of the fleas is empowerment and freedom. The fear, over cautiousness, and self limits are not things that children come with. They learn them from their parents’ attitudes and behavior. The lids we put on them are made of our own excessive worry and lack of scope.

Contributed by Ms Harina, SBLC, Indore

Excerpted from THE BOOK OF NURTURING by LINDA and RICHARD EYRE